Saturday, March 29, 2008

Remembering mother

When one endeavors to write about personal topics in a public format, it bears keeping in mind that others may know of the ones involved.
I wonder, then, does anyone who stumbles across this remember my mother?
If so, I wonder what their recollections were.
The nature of my maternal family was to ostracize and "reward" those of blood relation with unusual cruelty. I have no idea why, but my theory remains that it was the ultimate in self-loathing manifesting itself.
In other words, these individuals disliked themselves to the point of hating their own offspring because they WERE flesh and blood. I could be wrong.
If, however, you were lucky enough not to have been born with a genetic link to them, the Piersons were apparently good as gold. I wouldn't know, though my grandmother Connie was very kind and generous to me, it still hurt that the others were shunned for one reason or another.
I think it's interesting how the other blood relations from that side of the family all but amputated any contact with myself, my brother and half-sister, at least as far as I am aware, for my relationship with my siblings is very sporadic in the former, and completely over in the latter. I guess again the fact that we were related made us repugnant. Family = the people who know all the right reasons to hate you.
This is probably greek to most of you.
I realize also that many of my mother's friends are either passed on or moved away. Several of her contemporaries (how can you call such creatures friends?) have probably died of the same vices that took her life. The good ones, like Heidi, I miss. She died last Summer.
I wonder where Frank has gotten off to, and wonder many things about many people I met there.
Most of them had no idea what kind of monster she had the potential to be. Why do I feel guilty in saying that? I can't completely forgive her, even though she is dead and cannot redeem herself.
If I were to do that, it would feel like acceptance (of what she was), and I will not do so. I know what she is/was, and that is enough. I don't have to like it or be comfortable with it.

So if you were a friend or acquaintance of Julia Cargill (née Parsons, Branigan, Seely and Douglass, maiden name Pierson), hello to you!

The number of my blood relation family is quite small, but I count myself fortunate to have many good friends. Some better than others for sure, but friends nonetheless. I hope that I am as good a friend as you are to me.

5 comments:

Undercover Mother said...

Sadly, it is not Greek to me, nor to many of the people I know. To rise above such things is worthy of celebration in itself. In my case, to not pass along that same mode of family treatment to the next generation is another. There are skeletons in my family's closet that are positively fetid, and though the perpetrators are aged or dead, they cannot possibly redeem themselves for what they've done.

But I can shake them off like mud and go on to live as fully as I can.

Though yes, it still hurts.

Preeti Shenoy said...

Hi Noota,
It must have taken great courage to write so openly about such a deep and personal topic.In India, the culture is such that no matter what the family does to you, speaking out against them will be the ultimate betrayal--Most people would silently suffer and bear it.
The Fact that you can so incisively dissect it speaks volumes in accpeting yourself, loving yourself and moving on.
Thanks for stopping by and taking time to tell me what you felt.(Thanks for the comliments too)
Have a great week.
Cheers
Preeti (Ps-Just a mother of two)

Preeti Shenoy said...

Really sorry--made a typo in your blog name--I meant nootka--or if you prefer, I shall say Elizabeth.

loganbob21 said...

Nootka--
Your insight in this article is astonishing. I've never really thought about it like that before. When you said "Family = the people who know all the right reasons to hate you," it brought agony to my soul. It is so true. At times it seems like they can be your toughest adversaries. You are brilliant!

Unknown said...

Thanks, all who have so far dropped in to read!
MoTh, yes, that is my goal to improve upon the past (though I would not be so arrogant as to think that I am not making mistakes even as I do), and do the best I can.
ps, it's nice to see you here. I truly enjoy my time at your blog for your sense of humor and your amazing wisdom and care.
The cultural observation is interesting as you present it.
I probably still don't fully understand how all of the things I saw and felt before I was old enough even to go to school impact me now...just keeping a handle on it all!
And loganbob21, while that is true, I like to think there are family members (or friends) that feel like the warm and comfortable quilts my grandma made while she was alive. She herself, was my stability, my comfort and strength, and my retreat when things were hairy (literally or figuratively, her house was where I went).
Again, I'm lucky to have friends that help, and lucky that of the three of us (kids), I have found some stability in my life.
Thanks again for stopping by!